Marriage, Sex and Sexuality - 12 Eph.6:1-4

The relationship between parents and children seems straightforward; the dynamics less complex than that between a husband and wife.  A child’s submission to their parent is articulated in straightforward obedience; and a parent’s in their not exasperating their child (exasperate: to make someone very annoyed, usually when they can do nothing to solve a problem). 

And yet it’s simplicity belies the tension we may feel with such stark – and seemingly optimistic – teaching.  There are many conflicting philosophies of parenting competing for our attention, several of which would frown disapprovingly at Paul’s sense that obedience should be a defining characteristic of the relationship between parent and child.  And in addition there are our insecurities, fears, sense of failure, reactions to our own experiences of being parented (or not)… all of which conspire to make parenting seem much more complicated and exhausting than Paul seems to allow for. 

Of course, Paul isn’t naïve.  As with the dynamics between a husband and wife, those between a parent and child are rooted foundationally in spiritual maturity.  We cannot take the role of parent out of the context of the relationship with Jesus.  As parents ground their identity in Christ, and are (re-) formed by the Spirit into His image, they are both more compelled by Scripture’s teaching, and more enabled to enact it, allowing it to shape the relationships within their family.  We learn to phase out the siren voices of a fallen culture, whose ideas and propaganda around parenting will only lead us away from Christ and His vision for our lives. 

And as with the dynamics of marriage, the archetypal patterns of parenting laid down throughout Scripture point beyond themselves.  Parenting is not an end in itself.  It is in our relationship with our parents that we learn how to relate to God.  Whether we realise it or not, we are either helped or hindered in our discipleship by how we have been parented.  And if we are parents, we will in turn help or hinder our children.

Why does Paul focus on obedience as the defining characteristic for children in their relationship with their parents?   Why do you think so many contemporary models of parenting neglect, or undermine this?

What does it mean for a child to ‘honour’ their parent?

What does the ‘promise’ cited in 6:3 mean?  How can Christian parents claim this promise for their children today?  …or can they?

In what ways do parents ‘exasperate’ their children?  Is it unexpected that Paul highlights this sole danger when it comes to the mistakes parents can make?  How can parents avoid this temptation?

How can parents best bring their children up in ‘the training and instruction of the Lord’ (6:4)?   What do you think Paul means by that phrase? 

How can the Church better support parents in their role?  Why do you think parents have been reluctant to engage with the support MIE has offered in the past?

One of the (dis-)qualifying factors for Church leadership relates to the effectiveness with which the principles of Eph.6:1-4 have been implemented (see e.g. I Tim.3:4-5; Titus 1:6).  

Why do you think the New Testament prioritises this?  Should this still be a consideration? 

Have you ever made a decision about whether to attend a Church or not based on the behaviour of the children of those invested with leadership in that Church?  Can you explain your answer?

If someone’s children grow up and decide they aren’t Christians, are they disqualified from Church leadership?  How can MIE better support parents whose children aren’t Christians?