Bible Study on Eph.6:1-4

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality - 12 Eph.6:1-4

The relationship between parents and children seems straightforward; the dynamics less complex than that between a husband and wife.  A child’s submission to their parent is articulated in straightforward obedience; and a parent’s in their not exasperating their child (exasperate: to make someone very annoyed, usually when they can do nothing to solve a problem). 

And yet it’s simplicity belies the tension we may feel with such stark – and seemingly optimistic – teaching.  There are many conflicting philosophies of parenting competing for our attention, several of which would frown disapprovingly at Paul’s sense that obedience should be a defining characteristic of the relationship between parent and child.  And in addition there are our insecurities, fears, sense of failure, reactions to our own experiences of being parented (or not)… all of which conspire to make parenting seem much more complicated and exhausting than Paul seems to allow for. 

Of course, Paul isn’t naïve.  As with the dynamics between a husband and wife, those between a parent and child are rooted foundationally in spiritual maturity.  We cannot take the role of parent out of the context of the relationship with Jesus.  As parents ground their identity in Christ, and are (re-) formed by the Spirit into His image, they are both more compelled by Scripture’s teaching, and more enabled to enact it, allowing it to shape the relationships within their family.  We learn to phase out the siren voices of a fallen culture, whose ideas and propaganda around parenting will only lead us away from Christ and His vision for our lives. 

And as with the dynamics of marriage, the archetypal patterns of parenting laid down throughout Scripture point beyond themselves.  Parenting is not an end in itself.  It is in our relationship with our parents that we learn how to relate to God.  Whether we realise it or not, we are either helped or hindered in our discipleship by how we have been parented.  And if we are parents, we will in turn help or hinder our children.

Why does Paul focus on obedience as the defining characteristic for children in their relationship with their parents?   Why do you think so many contemporary models of parenting neglect, or undermine this?

What does it mean for a child to ‘honour’ their parent?

What does the ‘promise’ cited in 6:3 mean?  How can Christian parents claim this promise for their children today?  …or can they?

In what ways do parents ‘exasperate’ their children?  Is it unexpected that Paul highlights this sole danger when it comes to the mistakes parents can make?  How can parents avoid this temptation?

How can parents best bring their children up in ‘the training and instruction of the Lord’ (6:4)?   What do you think Paul means by that phrase? 

How can the Church better support parents in their role?  Why do you think parents have been reluctant to engage with the support MIE has offered in the past?

One of the (dis-)qualifying factors for Church leadership relates to the effectiveness with which the principles of Eph.6:1-4 have been implemented (see e.g. I Tim.3:4-5; Titus 1:6).  

Why do you think the New Testament prioritises this?  Should this still be a consideration? 

Have you ever made a decision about whether to attend a Church or not based on the behaviour of the children of those invested with leadership in that Church?  Can you explain your answer?

If someone’s children grow up and decide they aren’t Christians, are they disqualified from Church leadership?  How can MIE better support parents whose children aren’t Christians?

Bible Study on Eph.5:31-33

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality 11 - Eph.5:31-33

Eph.5:32 is a verse that seems to capture the entirety of the Bible’s teaching in one immense and cataclysmic sentence.  But one of the things that has struck me afresh is our need to consider the Bible’s teaching much more deeply than we are prone to.  The issues that we are facing as a Church (including those raised by LLF) are complex and have far-reaching consequences.  By contrast, it is too easy for us as Christians to have ‘fortune cookie’ level arguments: a verse, a platitude, a dismissive, one-line argument that we roll out to settle the matter once-and-for-all.

Such an attitude to Christian belief and practise has never been healthy.  In today’s shifting landscapes, it may prove to be downright dangerous, and dishonouring to the Gospel of Christ.  Such levels of engagement are simply not adequate.  They do justice neither to our God, nor to those created to bear His image.  We’ll need a much greater degree of honesty – with ourselves and with each other; and a much more rigorous exploration of the Bible’s (and therefore the Church’s) teaching.  We’ll need patience as we work to establish not only what the Bible in fact teaches, but also the implications of that teaching in our own lives as disciples, and in our life and witness together as Church.

The unity to which we are called as Christians is not based on our politely avoiding the issues that threaten to fracture us…  Fellowship is not achieved by our entering a conspiracy of silence.  Nor is spiritual maturity.  An unwillingness to engage fails both our members and our mission.  Of course, simply engaging, studying, speaking doesn’t take us the whole way either.  As we saw in our final LLF session this week, repentance in attitudes and behaviours may be required.  We may need to change how we relate to each other, how we ‘do’ Church.  As I was saying earlier in the week, significant challenges lie ahead as we seek to be faithful to the Scriptures and to people.  Thank you for engaging with this term’s teaching in all its forms.  I hope it has helped you grow in your appreciation of the goodness, wisdom, and grace of our, and of His vision for life.

Take some time as a group to reflect on the last term.  What has stood out for you – highlights and lowlights?  Where have you felt affirmed, or challenged?  What has been helpful… or unhelpful?  How has this term changed or re-enforced your views on this questions of gender, identity, marriage and sexuality?

Don’t forget to think through the term in all its aspects: Sunday morning teaching and preaching; the LLF course; Home-Groups; the True Freedom Trust morning; resources on the MIE Website; books we’ve recommended that you may have read…  What did you engage with?  What did you decide not to?  Why?

Is marriage different from co-habiting?

Why does Paul stress the ‘leaving’ a father and mother, before ‘cleaving’ to a new spouse (v.31)?  What is the ‘this reason’ that underpins his teaching?

What does Paul mean when he talks about people becoming ‘one flesh’?  What implications does this have for married life?  Does it make any difference whether people are married or not when they engage in sexual activity?

If marriage is a lived parable, reflecting the covenant relationship between Christ and the Church, what does ‘sex’ convey?  How does it function in the ‘mystery’ of marriage?

Why does Paul call this a ‘profound mystery’ (v.32)?  In what sense is it mysterious?

(You might find it helpful to note other times Paul speaks about ‘mystery’ in Ephesians: 1:9; 3:3-4; 3:6; 3:9; 6:19).

Bible Study on Eph.5:25-30

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality 10 - Eph.5:25-30

It’s easy to be conned into thinking that the Bible is heavily stereotyped when it comes to questions of sexuality and gender.  But only if you don’t read it!  In fact, the Scriptures are liberating precisely because they refuse play into the categories of any culture’s preconceptions.  In the Bible, women are soldiers, prophets, monarchs, business leaders; men are poets, embroiderers, cooks, clothes designers, artists.  And vice versa.  The Word of God has always challenged cultural expectations, and consistently cuts across our attempts to label and prejudge.

But liberty can be intimidating.  Perhaps we’d prefer clear ‘rules’ about what it means to be male or female.  Spiritual maturity demands otherwise.  We see the damage done when ‘expectations’ are imposed by others.  Our culture – in spite of all its rhetoric to the contrary - develops clear (if sometimes contradictory) ideals of both masculinity and femininity.  When we don’t ‘fit’ we find ourselves pretending, desperately trying to look, feel and behave as my culture(s) tells me to.  Down this path, crisis lies. 

The Bible holds a perfect balance, poised elegantly between the perennial mistakes of fallen human culture.  It sees us first and foremost as people: unique even in our fallen state.  And yet neither is our being male and female a mere insignificance, still less a fluid social construct.  Our culture relentlessly seeks to conform us to preconceived ideas of masculinity and femininity.  Even so-called ‘progressive’ stereotypes are still stereotypes.  The Bible on the other hand recognises that our being male and female is something of cosmic significance, something primal, and simultaneously manages to avoid labels and superficial typecasting.  Only in Christ are we liberated to be those whom God has redeemed us to be.  It is for freedom that Christ has set us free.  We have no cause to be apologetic about the Gospel, and the vision of humanity it holds out.  Too easily do we buy the lie that our culture’s response of self-determination and autonomy is the route to liberty.  It is in fact the road to slavery (John 8:34).  Our culture is the source of good news.  That is only found in the Gospel.

How would you describe our culture’s different stereotypes about being a man or a woman, male or female?  Do you care about such stereotypes?  How as a Christian, do you think we should navigate them?

How would you respond to the oft-quoted idea that ‘women are more spiritual than men’?

Do you think Eph.5:22-30 is guilty of stereotyping?

If someone asked you how Christ loved the Church, how would you answer?

Do you think of your holiness as the purpose of the cross?  What priority does the pursuit of holiness have in your life?  How does that play out? What would you say to a Christian who wasn’t seemingly concerned with being made holy?

How does Jesus make the Church holy?  How would you explain this to a new Christian?

What do you understand by the imagery of head/body in this passage?  What does it mean to speak of the Church as Christ’s body, and of individual Christians as members of Christ’s body?  How does that shape your thinking about being a Christian …and about being part of a Church?

How does Christ ‘feed and care for’ His body, the Church? 

How does Eph.5:25-30 inform your thinking about the institution of marriage?

What responsibilities does this passage put on husbands?  How should it shape the day-to-day experience of married life?  How can MIE support husbands in developing these patterns of behaviour?

Bible Study on Eph.5:21-24

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality 9 - Eph.5:21-24

If you’ve been attending the LLF course, you’ll know that one of my deepest concerns about the whole process is the way in which the Bible is viewed and engaged with.  But it isn’t just LLF that is raising questions about the authority of the Bible to speak into and to shape the life of the Church today.  Many who call themselves evangelicals can also slip into the trap of relativizing the Scriptures – especially when confronted with a passage such as the one we are considering this week.

It’s certainly counter-cultural…  but it might be more accurate to say that it is culturally offensive.  As those shaped by a post-feminist culture, we will almost inevitably struggle to make sense of, or accept Paul’s teaching.  There are many attempts to soften, or sidestep what Paul says here, but perhaps the most common is to simply dismiss it as itself culturally limited and conditioned.  Paul is writing in a first century context, and we shouldn’t absolutize it, as if it were universally applicable to all cultures.

Whilst it might appear initially convenient, there are a number of problems with this suggestion.  Apart from the general observation that it suggests an inadequate view of the nature of the Bible as the inspired Word of God (that transcends culture, and as such critiques the culture(s) in which it is produced as much as our own), it runs into significant problems with each member of the Trinity.  Paul explicitly grounds his vision for marriage in the account of Creation and the life of humanity prior to the fall (5:31).  As such that teaching finds its genesis not in first century culture, but in the intentions of the Father for marriage displayed in a pre-fallen world.   Further, Paul taps into this deep unity between the purposes of God in creation and redemption grounding the dynamics of Christian marriage in Christ’s sacrificial love, and His giving Himself up for the Church (5:23, 25).  Finally, it loses sight of the fact that this is a way of life shaped by and enabled by the Church’s being ‘filled with the Spirit (5:18).  Far from being culturally limited, Paul’s vision for Christian marriage is expanded to cosmic proportions as it is framed by the life and purposes of the Trinity for all creation.

Do you think that this passage reflects more of the mind of the Spirit, or of Paul?  What do you think is the relationship between the Spirit and those inspired by Him in the writing of Scripture? 

Does this passage have any credibility in 21st century British culture?  Where do you think the tensions lie?  Why?

How would you define ‘submission’?  How do you think submission should feature in Christian discipleship? 

How does v.21 (‘submit to one another’) connect with the remainder of the chapter, which teaches that a wife should submit to her husband, but doesn’t seem to have a corresponding passage about husbands submitting to wives?

Why is it important that Paul qualifies the call to mutual submission with ‘out of reverence for Christ’?

Should Christians only ever use the traditional form of marriage vows?

What does Paul mean by ‘head’ (v.23)?  

What is Paul’s analogy between Christ / Church and husband / wife designed to achieve?  All analogies have limits – what are the limits of this one?

What would a Church that submitted to Christ look like?  Do you think MIE fits that description?  Looking more widely, what about the Church of England?

Why do we find it so difficult to submit to Christ?  How could we help each other to be more submissive to the Lord?

Bible Study on Eph.5:8-20

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality 2 - Eph.5:8-20

Paul has been charging the atmosphere between two poles: a foundational conviction that we are loved by God in Christ; and that as God’s ‘dearly loved children’ we are called to pursue an increasingly faithful following of God’s example of love, holiness, purity and self-giving.  Reminding us of the division that Jesus, by the Spirit, renders between light and dark in Gen.1:1-4, Paul teaches that proclaiming Christ results in the same radical division today.  The world, including people, still divides into light and darkness.

Paul’s sense of urgency might still cause us to catch our breath.  His relentless conviction that we should strive to dispel any shadow can feel a bit ‘extreme’ to us, more binary than we are used to.  Where Paul sees light and dark, we tend to see nuanced shades, a spectrum on which it sometimes difficult to see exactly where dark becomes light.  Yet his sense of the radical distinctiveness of the people of God, and the resolution with which we should pursue that distinctiveness, are unmistakable.

Paul’s insistence builds on what we were thinking about last week, but he lays reason on reason for us to share his urgency, rising to a sense of inevitability: we must live out the integrity of who and what we are (v.8-9); we have the opportunity to live in a way that pleases the Lord (v.10); deeds of darkness have no value (v.11); everything we have done will be exposed when we are resurrected to judgement (vv.13-15); if we aren’t very deliberate about how we live, we will simply be swept up in the darkness of our surroundings (vv.15-17). 

Yes, but how?   How can we live like this?  Aspects of Paul’s answer might surprise us: it has to do with the intentionality with which we live, with our relationship with the Spirit in life and worship, with our familiarity with Scripture, with music and ‘psalms, hymns and songs’, and with gratitude. 

Does the urgency in this passage, and its sense of clear choice excite you, or leave you feeling uncomfortable?  Does it ring true to your experience of life… or does life feel more complex that Paul seems to allow for?

If we lived as Paul is suggesting, would we simply all end up in a Christian ghetto, isolated from any contact with the world? Is Paul risking a denial of much that is good in our culture and society?

What do you think characterises ‘darkness’ and ‘light’ (vv.8-9)?   How would we recognise it in ourselves? …in each other? …in our world?

How can we ‘find out what pleases the Lord (v.10)?  How does the idea that we can live in a way that pleases Him leave you feeling?

What does Paul mean when he teaches that we should expose ‘the fruitless deeds of darkness’ (v.11)?  How do you feel about doing that?

Do you agree that it is shameful to ‘mention what the disobedient do in secret’ (v.12)?  Why does Paul qualify his comments with: ‘in secret’?  Why do you think the Lord is waiting until the Resurrection to expose truth (vv.13-14)?

How do wise people live (v.15, and foolish people, v.17)?   How can we make the most of every opportunity (v.16)?

In what ways is ‘being filled with the Spirit’ both like and unlike being drunk on wine’ (v.18)?  can you back up what you think from the Bible? 

What is it about ‘psalms, hymns and spiritual songs’ that can help us live as children of light?  Why speak, rather than sing (v.19)?

How can we encourage one another in thankfulness (v.20)?  Why is it important to do so? 

Bible Study on Eph.5:1-7

Marriage, Sex and Sexuality 1 - Eph.5:1-7

By now, you’ll have picked up something of how this term is working out as we re-engage with Eph.5 & other related passages as the term progresses.  We’ll be exploring together the sweep of the Bible’s teaching on marriage and sexuality.  But Paul doesn’t simply drop the question of ‘Christian households’ onto his congregation(s) ‘out of the blue’.  It is a natural and Spirit-inspired outworking of a train of thought that we boarded in Eph.1:1. Paul has been exploring the glory and joy of so much of what God has done in the Gospel.  Part of the problem for us has been the immensity of Paul’s vision and the vast scope of all he has taught us.  The Gospel – as we experience it – stretches back into the heart and mind of God before even Creation is called into being.  The Church has been caught up into God’s purposes of redemption and renewal, and as such has been re-created, restored to the very life and community of God, and renewed in their whole experience of being human.  An entirely new way of being human has opened up to them – a vision for life that goes far beyond our wildest hopes and dreams. 

We have been immersed in God’s love for us in Christ Jesus, and on that foundation the Spirit longs to rebuild us individually and together into that Christ-oriented way of being and living.  Paul (and the Spirit who is inspiring his writing) isn’t simply looking for us to become more moral, or to clean up our act (a bit!).  We are called to a total transformation, to ‘put off our old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds, and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness’ (Eph.4:23-24).  When we left off Ephesians last year, we had begun to get a sense of what that new life looked like, and just how different it is from ‘life’ as experienced by so many.  Coming into Ch.5, we pick up Paul’s desire for us our spiritual development, and growth into Christlikeness...

Just how different do you think the ‘Christian’ life is from the life that is lived and experienced by those who don’t know Christ?  Is Paul perhaps exaggerating for effect?  How different do you think your own life is from that of others who know who aren’t Christians?    Do you think it should be (very) different?  Why / why not?

You might find it helpful to look at some passages where Paul seems to stress some of these differences:  Eph.2:1-3; 4:17-24; also e.g. Titus 3:3-8.  Do you think such generalisations are accurate… or helpful?)

How would you describe what it looks like to ‘follow God’s example …and live a life of love’ (Eph.5:1-2)? It might help to be as specific as possible…  Have you ever known someone who really gets this?  What were they like?

How important is it for us to be confident in our being ‘dearly loved children’ (Eph.5:1)?  What would you say to someone who wasn’t so sure they fell into this category?  What does it feel like to know you are ‘dearly loved’ by God in Christ?  How does it shape your view of yourself and how you aspire to live?

Why is Paul so focussed on immorality, impurity and greed?  How would you recognise people who were characterised by these patterns of sin?

What do you think constitutes ‘obscenity, foolish talk or coarse joking’ (Eph.5:4)?  Does it really matter how you speak? 

Why does he call greedy people ‘idolaters’ (Eph.5:5)?

Is Paul saying that people like this aren’t Christians?  What would you say to someone who struggled with greed, or immorality? 

What ‘empty words’ is Paul worried about Christians hearing? 

What does it mean to be ‘partners’ with such people?  How far can you disengage from them?