10 Commandments / The Fifth Commandment
See, I will send the prophet Elijah to you before that great and dreadful day of the Lord comes. He will turn the hearts of the parents to their children, and the hearts of the children to their parents; or else I will come and strike the land with total destruction.
(Mal.4:5-6)
Then he went down to Nazareth with them and was obedient to them. But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.
(Luke 2:51)
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.
(Col.3:20-21)
But mark this: There will be terrible times in the last days. People will be … disobedient to their parents … having a form of godliness but denying its power. Have nothing to do with such people.
(…taken from II Tim.3:1-5)
Each week I start each Bible study thinking: There could hardly be a more counter-cultural command! Again and again, these short declarations of the will of God seem so self-evident, and yet to cut across the structures of contemporary society in ways so absolute that it can be hard to believe they are meant to be taken at face value. So it is with this Fifth Commandment. In a world in which ‘rebelling’ against your parents is seen as healthy and normal, perhaps even a rite of passage; in which parents so often feel they have no authority; in which the nuclear family is under siege; in this world, what could be more explosive than the devastatingly straightforward injunction to ‘honour your father and mother…’. And failure to honour is after all, to dishonour.
This is not some naïve nostalgia for an image of family life of a bygone age. The Bible is hardly inspiring a longing for the 1950s… It is rather alerting us to deep spiritual dynamics that are rooted in human experience. It is recalling us to God’s good and gracious design for family life. Parents are supposed to grow wise with age, learned in the things of God, spiritually compelling examples of Christlikeness. They become reservoirs of understanding and insight to be tapped. They have a lifetime of experience to bestow. And their children are to honour them, and in so doing learn from them. They will be raised in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph.6:4). They will be taught what it means to walk with Christ. This is the fundamental responsibility of parenting (Dt.6, esp.vv.7-9 & Dt.11:19 etc.). Nothing exempts children from so honouring their parents, not even that which is ostensibly for religious purposes (Mk.7:9-13). Only if your parents seek to lead you into actual sin are you freed from this all-encompassing obligation (Matt.10:37; Acts 5:29). Only Christ Himself takes precedence (which given this commandment, is quite a statement, Matt.10:35-37; Lk.9:59-60; 14:26); and Christ Himself was bound by it (Lk.2:51; Jn.19:26-27).
Why is this so central as to be included in the Ten Commandments. As a Commandment it is without parallel or precedent in the ancient world (and indeed, in the modern one!). Is it simply a way of ordering society, or perhaps even ensuring our own future care at the hands of our children (it is worth pondering whether we would be happy if our children treated us as we treat our parents)? In part it is because our relationship with our parents is an echo of Israel’s relationship with the Lord (Ex.4:22, hence Moses’ lament in Num.11:12), a relationship that in turn points beyond itself to the inner life of the Trinity. Christ is the Son who honours the Father. In part it is because our honouring of our parents is how we honour and obey the Lord (Dt.5:16). It’s part of our discipleship. But more deeply it is because parents ‘play the part’ of God to their children; and can become the means through which God meets with and deals with their children. The very vocabulary used in the Fifth Commandment points us to this extraordinary arrangement: ‘honour’. It is language that is used to describe the relationship we have with God (Ex.12:42; Ps.22:23, etc.). We see a similar overlap in other language used to describe the role responsibilities of parents to their children (e.g. Prov.6:20, Ps.119:105). As children learn to honour their parents, so they learn the necessary dynamics of relating appropriately to the Lord (Mal.1:6). Parents are to seek therefore reflect as fully as possible the characteristics of the Lord, and to structure their relationship with their children as closely as possible to that of the Lord’s relationship with us. Children are then able to transfer what they learn from their relationship with their parents, to their relationship with God. They understand the Lord, because they have learned to understand their relationship with their father and mother. Parents make great visual aids!
Questions
In the light of thinking about the Fifth Commandment, why is the Lord’s cursing of Eli so catastrophic (see esp. I Sam.2:27-36 & 3:11-14)?
What is the relationship between the family and the state? Who should get to say what happens to children in any given society?
What is the relationship between the family and the Church? How should children / youth work connect with the devotional life of a family?
Read Deut.5:16 & Prov.23:22-25
What does the Fifth Commandment assume about a ‘family’? Are such assumptions legitimate in today’s world? Can you apply this Commandment in a society where the concept of ‘family’ is so far removed from this?
The Church has a long history of thinking that this Commandment should be extrapolated so as to include an ‘honouring’ of all those in positions of authority within human society. Do you think it should be enlarged in this way?
What does it mean to honour our parents? How do the dynamics of such honouring change as we (& they) grow older? What about if our parents aren’t Christians?
What does it mean to say ‘that you may live long and that it may go well with you in the land the Lord your God is giving you’? How does this act as a motivation to keep this Commandment?
What is it about a Biblical view of parenting that means it can be set so firmly within a context of joy (Prov.23:24-25)?
How can MIE better support parents as they fulfil their God-given responsibilities and mandates in bringing up their children? …and children in fulfilling their God-given responsibilities? How can families better engage with and benefit from the structures of Church ministry and mission?
Catechism:
300. What is the Fifth commandment?
The fifth commandment is “Honour your father and your mother.”
(Ex.20:12; Deut.5:16)
301. What does it mean to honour your father and mother?
I should love, serve, respect, and care for my parents all their lives, and should obey them in all things that are reasonable and conform to God’s Law.
(Gen.45:7–13; Prov.6:20–22; 20:20; 23:22; Eph.6:1–3; Col.3:20)
302. How should parents treat their children?
Earthly fathers and mothers should represent to their children the loving care of our heavenly Father by nurturing and protecting them, teaching and modelling to them the Christian faith and life, guiding and assisting them in education, and encouraging them in their lives and vocations.
(Gen.48:8–16; Deut.6:4–7; Prov.19:18; 22:6; Eph.6:4; Col.3:21; 1 Tim.5:8)
303. How did Jesus keep the fifth commandment?
As a child, Jesus obeyed Joseph and Mary; on the Cross, he provided for his mother by entrusting her to his disciple’s care; in his life, he obeyed the lawful requirements of the civil and religious authorities; and in all things he sought to do his Father’s will.
(Luke 2:39–52; John 10:22–39; 19:25–27)
304. How else do you love God in light of the fifth commandment?
I also keep the fifth commandment by showing respect for teachers and elders; by obeying, as far as is lawful, those who hold authority in the Church, my employment, and civil government; and by conducting myself in all things with reverent humility before God and my neighbour.
(Ex.22:28; Matt.22:15–22; Rom.13:1–7; 1 Tim.2:1–2; 5:1–4; Heb.13:7; 1 Pet.2:13–15)
305. What blessings result from obeying the fifth commandment?
Submission to God’s appointed earthly authorities helps me to resist pride and grow in humility, and promotes the justice and peace (shalom) of society in which human life flourishes.
(Ex.20:12; 1 Chron.29:23; Prov.10:17; Rom.13:1–4; Heb.13:17)
306. Does earthly authority have limits?
Yes. All authority comes from God, the King of kings, who expects me to love, honour, and obey him above all earthly authorities whenever they command me to sin.
(Ex.1:15–21; Dan.3:4–6, 16–18; Matt.23:1–4; Acts 5:27–29; Rev.18:1–4)
