Days like today (Father’s Day) are complicated celebrations that seem to underline in so many ways the heart-breaking tensions of living in a fallen world...
On the one hand we definitely want to celebrate fathers in a world that so often denigrates them, and characterises them as sometimes well-meaning, but incompetent at best, and downright dangerous or ‘toxic’ at worst. They can routinely be dismissed as a useful addition if present, but not a real loss when absent, which stereotypically they are often protrayed as being. And when they are present, it is often suggested they are best seen as a second mum. There are exceptions, but they are precisely that... exceptions.
It’s tricky to navigate a positive vision for fatherhood in such a cultural context. As with everything else, the place to go is Scripture. The idea of ‘Dad’ was God’s! And His vision for family life is good and wise. His vision is for a man who reflets Him to his children and who - whatever else he does to provide for and protect his family - will lead and structure his family’s life in such a way that ensures his children willl grow up in the training and instruction of the Lord. It is a picture of strength, courage, initiative, and boldness. It captures tenderness, wisdom, strength, respect and responsibility. It is Dad who bears primary (not exclusive) responsibilty before God for the spiritual wellbeing of his family. And it is Dad who takes the lead in teaching his children the obedience he wants to see them one day exhibit in their own walk with their heavenly Father.
And yet – like in so much of our world – our Father’s vision for fatherhood is tragically marred. The complicated reality of a world that ignores Him trips us up, and hinders our celebration of God’s idea, and our supporting fathers as they grow into God’s vision for their place in their family.
As a result, there are so many ways today can be a day of pain. Memories of our own fathers are not always joyous, but can be scarred by abandonment, neglect, betrayal or suffering. Relationships with our Dads today are not always straightforward, and can be the cause of ongoing frustration and tears. There are those who have so desperately wanted to be fathers, but the circumstances of their lives have meant those hopes and dreams lie broken and unfulfilled. Many feel judged. Some are profoundly aware of their failure as Dads on a day to day basis; for others ‘Father’s Day’ is an agonising reminder of decisions we would give anything to go back and make again. Others find in their children a source of tremendous confusion and grief. Even the most wholehearted and joyous celebration of Father’s Day will be tainted with sorrow.
As Christians we are to ‘mourn with those who mourn’ (Rom.12:15). In one sense, our focus should be on the broken, the wounded, the sinner and the sinned against. This is righteous. Our faith gives us the courage to face life as it really is, and not to have to pretend. Yet the same verse (Rom.12:15) also commands us to ‘rejoice with those who rejoice’. Our concern for the wounded can often lead us to forego the rejoicing and to mute our celebration in ways that are inappropriate and corrosive. Or we can lose balance the other way, and disregard the wounded in thoughtless rejoicing. But this is not the way of the Scriptures.
As Christians, we are to honour those who are worthy of honour, and give them the recognition they deserve (Rom.13:7). This is rarely done in our world, and the Church dare not follow suit. Churches must maintain a holy and healthy balance. We cry out to God both to heal the wounded, and in gratitude for what is worthy of honour; both for grace to cover our failure and in praise for when God has enabled us to be faithful in our calling.
Only at the Cross can we find the resources to maintain this balance. Only here can we learn to look beyond ourselves and our own situation, and to enter into the experience of another with such total empathy, so that those who mourn can rejoice with those who rejoice, and those who rejoice can mourn with those who mourn. The integrity of neither is compromised. For us all, we may find that as we obey His call, God is at work in us far more than we had anticipated.
And as we confront the complicated nature of today’s celebration of fatherhood, we find our hearts aching again for the holy simplicity of the New Creation, when ‘there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away’ (Rev.21:4). This is our future in Christ, and on that day our joy will no longer be complicated, or tainted. It will be complete in and through Him, and the fulfilment of His work. That is our hope in Christ. And it is a hope that radically relativizes everything in this old, passing age. It relativizes both the joy and sorrow, and ironically perhaps even the institution of fatherhood, and of our love for our fathers.
Passages like Mark 10:29-30 and Luke 14:26 relate the disturbing words of Jesus. His teaching calls us to a total allegiance to Christ that undermines even our love for the parents who have raisde us. Our love for ‘Dad’ (and his love for us), and the relationship we may enjoy with him (and that he enjoys with us) must be understood in the context of our much deeper love for Christ and a much more compelling relationship with Him. Ultimately we are delivered from this present age and delivered into the Kingdom of Heaven, where there is no Jew or Gentile, male or female, slave or free, or I wonder, father or child… while our citizenship is in heaven, our pilgrimage remains through this old creation and this old age. While here, we are called to ‘honour our father’, but only in such a way that truly we are honouring Christ. Neither we nor our fathers should expect more than this. Perhaps this is the most complicated thing of all.
In Christ,
Mark
